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The nights are drawing in, and the pantomime
season is almost upon us. Oh yes it is!
Here at Scottish Picks, rehearsals for "Jim and the Beanstalk"
are taking root. The story is a variation on a traditional tale: Jim's ma tells him to sell Molly the family sheep at the
local market. Unfortunately,
Jim never went to agricultural college
and is duped into selling old Molly for some unusual beans. "But
they're magic!" insisits Jim, when he reveals his purchase to his
mother. "Oh no they're not!" scolds his mother, and throws
the beans out of the window.
But these aren't just any old beans...
The next morning the beans have grown into a huge beanstalk, towering
into the Heavens.
Excitedly, Jim climbs up the stalk. Reaching the top,
he discovers a large, lavish castle not unlike the Great
Houses of Scotland. But much bigger.
Fearfully, Jim approaches and knocks on its colossal oak entrance. The
heavy door creaks open to reveal a beautiful lass. Her name is Jean
and she looks like Sharleen Spiteri, the Glaswegian lead singer from chart-toppers Texas.
Jim is smitten. Seeing his big eyes she warns him that
she is being held captive by a jealous giant. "I don’t want a lover, I just want a friend to help me escape,"
Jean explains.
They do just that, taking the giant's prized possession with them -
a goose that lays golden eggs. The giant hears the stolen goose
honking as Jim and Jean take flight and sets off in hot pursuit.
"Fee, fie, foe, fum, I smell the blood of a Scotchman!" (this
is the Hollywood version) he roars.
As they climb down the stalk, Jim and Jean see a small crowd of concerned
villagers. Having read about experiments with crops, they have gathered around the unusual
beanstalk.
Breathlessly reaching the bottom, Jim calls for help and
they cut the beanstalk down, killing the giant as
he struggles in its thick foliage.
News of the goose that lays golden eggs spreads quickly across the land. Jim
feverishly scans the business
news each morning for news on the markets. Jean, Jim, and his
mum will be rich. Or will they?
There are fears that the beanstalk may have crosspolinated to create a mutant superspecies that could wipe out native crops.
Jim could be sued for compensation - expert advice
is sought.
And, as they say in the biz: "They all lived happily ever after..."
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