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Hello ladies and gents and welcome to the Picks Central tour bus. My name is Kevin and I'll be your guide today ... plenty of space on top if you don't mind getting a wet bum, ladies! We'll be going round some of the most notable sites on the Internet today. Feel free to get off the bus and have a look around - your ticket is valid all day. Stop 1 - On your right now you can see Ireland Uncovered, a lovely site about the Emerald Isle that was discovered in 1856 by Austin Metro, the famous seamstress and inventor of the sheep. Get off here to see some authentic Irish attractions, from pubs and clubs to galleries and museums, organised by county and city, or to find out how to say that your name is Elvis Presley in Irish (Elvis Presley is anim dom). You live and learn. Stop 2 - Coming up ahead we have the Giant's Causeway Official Guide, which local people used to believe was formed by cooling lava millions of years ago. In fact, we now know that it was built in 1975 by Finn MacCool, a giant with a taste for DIY. Some of the features you can take a look at here are geological information, legends surrounding the landmark, and local flora and fauna. Stop 3 - You can just see An American's Survival Guide to Sheffield in the distance over there. While this attraction is firmly aimed at our cousins from over the pond (and I can see plenty of tartan, so I know there are a few of you on board), the local information and the amusing oddness of the opinions will be quite entertaining for all. ("the English do not usually take showers, but wash their bodies and their hair in the bathtub." We don't change our clothes very often either, apparently!) Stop 4 - Shakespeare's School. Right, I'm stopping for a fag here so you might as well get off and have a look at it. Go on, at least stretch your legs! It's a site from the Bard's old school, with information about education down the ages, and some of the great writer's report cards too (it's a little known fact that he went to a comprehensive school because he forgot to take his calculator to the eleven plus). Stop 5 - Well, we've reached the end of our journey of wonder. I hope you've enjoyed our tour today - tell your friends about us! Clear off, I'm going. Well, you'll just have to get the Tube home, won't you? Going Underground should set you right. Packed with tips for survival on the underground, and some interesting facts for the journey, it is. I would pay attention to the safety advice, if I were you, and Mind The Gap the musical sounds right up your street. Mind how you go now.

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